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Punched in the nose

by davidlloyd2017
The analogy is about a man who goes home and his wife punches him in the nose and he says he doesn’t like that and tells her to stop and she says I’m sorry.  But the next night he goes home and she punches him in the nose again and he says stop doing that and she says I’m sorry.  But then the next night he goes home and she punches him in the nose again and he says stop doing that and she says I’m sorry.
The question becomes how long will the man continue to allow himself to be punched in the nose?
With April, she punches me in the nose and I tell her to stop I don’t like that and she says you’re acting like a baby. And the next night she punches me in the nose again and I tell her to stop I don’t like that and she says that I’m demanding and pushy and bossy and controlling. And the next night she punches me in the nose and I tell her to stop I don’t like that and she says I’m complaining because I don’t get my way.  And the next night she punches me in the nose and I tell her I don’t like that and she tells me to be quiet and just listen. And the next night she punches me in the nose and I tell her stop I’m not taking this anymore and she tells me I’m playing the victim. And the next night she punches me in the nose again and I tell her to stop knock it off and she says “stop trying to fix me”.
And the next night she punches me in the nose and I tell her I can’t take this anymore I need you to stop punching me in the nose and she says “Look in the mirror, David. I’m not punching you in the nose. You’re walking into my fist.”

My journal, my blog

by davidlloyd2017

I started journaling a few months after we were married. I started primarily because I was confused about how in the world this latest argument started. And then when we tried to talk about what happened, we couldn’t even agree on what was said or why it started. “That’s not what I said,” she would say. “Yes it is,” I would insist. “No it’s not!” and another argument was underway. We would argue about arguments.

At first I journaled to see if there was something I was doing. Was there something wrong with me or something wrong with what I was doing? And I journaled to remember. And to try to make sense of everything. And then I discovered that journaling served many purposes for me. By journaling immediately after (and sometimes even during) an argument, it allowed me to keep a record of what really did happen. It gave me a tool to compare incidents to see if there were patterns and to help me keep my sanity, that I wasn’t losing my mind, and that what I think happened really did happen the way I think it happened.

Now, more than two years later, I have been able to go back through my journal entries and understand where I was, where I’ve been, and where I am today. It has helped me identify themes, and solutions, if not for my marriage, at least for myself to be ok.

If you’re struggling with anything in your life, I strongly encourage you to journal. If you’re like me, you will discover that in the pages of your own writing are answers to questions you didn’t even know to ask, solutions to problems you weren’t even aware you had, and a clarity of thought and heart that is hard to achieve any other way.

This blog is my journal. Perhaps not every detail but enough of it that I hope it helps you… and encourages you to find value in your own life through journaling.

David

Tennyson was wrong

by davidlloyd2017
Tennyson was wrong. It’s not better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all. I wish right now that I had never met her and never fallen in love with her. I’ve loved that woman and to be hurt by her the way that I have is so hard to deal with right now.
From my perspective there’s no way that you can hurt somebody like she has unless she is completely not well. And to not even know how bad she’s hurt me is hard enough but for her to even think for a moment that I’m the one that’s done damage to this relationship saddens me.
She’s acknowledged how her fears and insecurities and anxieties have affected me but when it comes right down to it she selfishly continues to think only about herself and her own health and disrespects me more and more the “better” she gets. I wish I’d never met her.